Well, Andrew went backward yesterday. He had a substitue teacher for Sunday School. As a result, he peed himself. Of course, he couldn't leave it at that, but had to shut down entirely when it was discovered after church last night. He has been doing good in that area, so I haven't been checking it all day or anything. He seemed to get a real high from telling me that he did it early in the day and I didn't "find it" until late. I just can't believe that he would want to sit in that all day, even though I know it doesn't bother him I just don't get it. YUCK!
When he realized that his world was going to get "smaller" again in order to help him regain a good control, he began to say that he was "sorry". It wasn't a true "sorry", but a "sorry" that hoped to get out of the shrinking of his world. I explained to him that he didn't need to tell me sorry. "I am not mad at you Andrew. If you want to apologize to someone then it should be yourself because you are the one sitting in urine all day. I love you very much and I am helping you have a 'smaller world' because you have told me with your words that you can't handle the bigger world that you had." Needless to say, it didn't change much because he so badly wants me to be angry.
I got up this morning to Crystal having pooped on herself "just a little". She always says that like it should be ok as long as she didn't do it a lot. She too had to have her world shrink. That is something that I feared when she had such a good day yesterday. She had let me fix her hair, wear lipgloss, and jewelry. She carried a purse. It was too much "good" for her. She doesn't think that she deserves it and doesn't feel comfortable being happy.
Her "bad spell" gave way to lots of talking. She willingly told me some of her feelings about the moves that she suffered in foster care. She truly believed that pooping her pants had caused the first move and that them not liking her caused the many other moves. I was able to explain to her that Zeeky's autism is what made the moves happen because the foster parents didn't have a clue what to do with a "Zeeky Monster". She even shared some scary stuff from her birth family memories with me. She cried and let me comfort her. I am so pleased that even this "bad spell" brought forth fruit!
Jacob had been refusing to go "poop" for 4 days. This is not something unusual for him or other children who have been in foster care. It is very RADish to use bodily functions as a way of keeping control. I feared that he was going to save it up to go in his pants as in times past. This morning I made him go first thing because he was obviously uncomfortable. He did go in the commode and even gave me lots of hugs later today. THAT IS HUGE PROGRESS!
Andrew hasn't used his day with a smaller world to accomplish anything. I can see that tomorrow will have to be another day of a very small world in hopes of breaking the hold that is on him right now. He did manage to tell me that he was "sad" today. He still won't acknowledge that what he is doing is hurting 'him' and wants me to be ok with him being sorry. I refuse to let him think that he needs to be "sorry" to me, because I know that it is him trying to make him into the one who makes me the 'victim'. I know him too well. My telling him that I accept "sorry" only lets him feel in charge and that he accomplished something. We will get there! I just know it! When we get past this hurdle then we will be a little further through this race.
RAD is persistent and has a strong hold, but God and His power used through me will overcome it!