I have been so excited about our little guy coming and so frustrated that our children with RAD just can't seem to dig out of their holes. On top of that Forrest and Jose had gotten into a rut as well. It seemed that might never dig out. I decided several days ago that Friday would be the day to grant "clemency" to them. I knew that if I did it before Friday, then there would be no chance of them making it to the weekend and still having priveleges. I really wanted them to get another good taste of what life SHOULD be like.
While we were homeschooling today I let them know. I said "I have decided to grant clemency to everyone, but I need to know if you want it." I knew that they wouldn't be sure what it meant. I also knew that we've been working on better dictionary skills and using it when needed. (Homeschooling moms are always teaching!) Dayton and Jose said "Well, we don't know if we want it because we don't know what it means. What if it means that you are going to kill us or something?". I have to admit that made me laugh. It also made me feel accomplished, because we've also discussed making sure that you don't just "follow" others without knowing that they are doing what is right. lol
Andrew spoke up at that point. He said, "I think it probably means MERCY and I want it!". See I always tell people that he is a smart kid. I know that if he'd use half of the energy to do the right thing that he does to try so hard to do wrong, then he could accomplish tons!
Dayton spoke up next, "Well I am getting the dictionary!". He went to get it and looked the word up quickly. He then declared, "Andrew you were right!". They got a little noisy at that point. I quickly realized that the ones who get into the most trouble were planning what else they might be able to get away with now. I had to quickly remind that "clemency" would get rid of the writing assignments and give them normal priveleges, but that any further behaviors would land them with more consequences.
They quickly started to chat about "how this could happen". I never give an inch. I quickly learned that they were very smart. They declared that this had to do to my happiness over "child #13". I told them that I had decided that since I got that blessing, that I would give them a chance to receive one as well. Dayton told them, "Smell . . . . your taste of freedom!". He was even excited for them! I got hugs and listened to lots of happy chatter.
I don't know how long it will take for them to get into more trouble. History would make you believe that it won't be long. I want to believe that maybe they will take the opportunity to learn something. I want them to know that I do love them and want them to have a happy life. I don't want them to think that I will do this again any time soon, but I don't think they would dare bank on that. I do want them to know that I would do anything that I can to help them. They started to try and take advantage a few times this evening, but quickly backed down. We will see what tomorrow holds!
The RAD kids do know that they still have very strong limits. They still can't receive attention from other adults. They still can't be roaming the house unattended. They still have other rules that aren't rules for others at our house. They also know that those rules are not punishments, but rules in place to help them get better and not sabotage themselves.
What will they do with this clemency!?!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
WE ARE MATCHED!
I told you a while back that I was scared that things weren't going to work out with the little boy that was in the foster home with Julianne. I just fell in love with that cute little guy. He was crying at the door when we left with Julianne. He's such a sweetie!
Well he is OURS! Our worker called today to congratulate me. She was just as shocked as me to hear back from them after so long. I am so excited that I don't know what to do besides praise God! I have no idea how long it will take to get him home, but he IS COMING HOME!
God is so incredibly great! This goes back to what I said yesterday about Him already knowing all the answers. lol He sure does have it all under control and He doesn't need our help with it. His plans are always the greatest. He is so wonderful that He blows my mind all the time!
Well he is OURS! Our worker called today to congratulate me. She was just as shocked as me to hear back from them after so long. I am so excited that I don't know what to do besides praise God! I have no idea how long it will take to get him home, but he IS COMING HOME!
God is so incredibly great! This goes back to what I said yesterday about Him already knowing all the answers. lol He sure does have it all under control and He doesn't need our help with it. His plans are always the greatest. He is so wonderful that He blows my mind all the time!
I can't tell you how excited we all are right now. You'd think that at some point a "mommy" would quit crying at every "match". Maybe some do, but I don't think I will ever get past the tears. They are tears of amazement at the blessing of another child. The kids are so excited that you'd think they'd never had a sibling. This will be our 8th boy and our 13th child! We are just as excited as first time parents and maybe even more so. We KNOW what a huge blessing we are receiving. We know how many miracles God performed just to get to this point.
I can't wait to see what mountains God is going to move to bring him home and into my arms. This social worker has never done an out of state adoption. God loves to use people who don't have an "I can do it all by myself" attitude. Interstate adoptions aren't easy, so I'm sure God is going to be doing lots of miracles to bring my little boy home!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
RAD Christian?
I've discussed this issue with friends before and I was reminded of it tonight while reading a blog that a fellow adoptive parent wrote. I thought I'd share my thoughts on this with whoever is reading. :)
God has helped me to learn a lot of things through parenting. Frankly, I've learned more about my relationship with my Father since becoming a parent than I ever did before that point. I was a child and teen who really valued what the Bible had to say and what God had done for me, but there was no way to fully understand (as much as earthly possible anyway) the hugeness of it until I became a parent myself. Raising children with Reactive Attachment Disorder has really changed the way that I look at myself and God by leaps and bounds especially.
Let's think for a moment about the parallel between children with RAD/me as their parent versus me as God's child/God as the Parent. Children with RAD suffered in their early years and never learned to trust a "parent" figure, therefore they just can't wrap their minds around trusting me to fully take care of them. They grasp for control and make their situations worse because they just can't believe that I can totally handle it and them be ok.
Does that ring any bells for anyone besides me??? I mean, just think about it! As a child in this world, everyone fails you at some point. The world in general is looking out for them and them alone most of the time. People die. People fail us. Parents in the human world are NOT perfect. People make mistakes. Some people do it on purpose and others just because they are human. I have been known to say when faced with the human condition at its worse, "People just suck!".
Then we become a child of God! We know that we have a God who literally gave His Son in place of us. We know that we have a God who made the universe. We know that we have a God who already has all the answers to the problems we face today, tomorrow, and 20 years from now. We know we have a FATHER who has NEVER made a mistake. He is perfect beyond even our wildest imaginations, yet He chose to make, save, and love us.
YET, we just can't give up total control. I mean, surely I'm not the only one?? Do you do it too? I take stuff to the throne of my Father and lay it down at His feet. No need to worry any more! Then I just head right back over and pick up my worry and let it way me down more. I know He has a plan, so I just walk through life while following the path He has set for me by faith? Well not quite. Instead I often wonder if I'm sure I'm on the right path or if I can hear His voice clearly. He gave me children that He had planned for me, so I should be able to do what I know is right and just TRUST. Instead, I have to be careful not to wonder what others might think of the ways I have to deal with their issues. I know it is the right way, but I worry that others are judging me. I know I am leaving which children and how many up to God, but yet I feel offended when others say "Surely your done!". I know that I don't have to worry, fret, or wonder. I KNOW THAT! Yet I do those things.
See just as a child with RAD, those are things that come natural to me. My children with RAD have brains that just don't trust. They can overcome that, but they choose over and over to do what is easiest. Its easiest for them to depend on themselves. Its easiest to not trust and not risk being hurt or let down. I'm not perfect by any means. At some point I'm sure I've let them down, made the wrong choice, or even not believed them when they were being truthful because I can't tell the difference and lying is their norm.
My Father is perfect! (Not my earthly one by any means.) I have a Father who I can trust entirely. He will never make a mistake. He will never let me down. He always has the answer! He is completely and entirely Wonderful, Powerful, Loving, and In Control.
When I think of it from that angle, I sure do get a reality check. I expect my kids, who have been through more than any of us know, to trust me and give up their control. How much more should I give up mine to God, my Father?!! That includes my worry about how to fix my kids with RAD. lol Isn't that freeing and completely terrifying, yet wonderously great??!!
So if you are a RAD Christian like I am, then try some attachment therapy with your Heavenly Father today! You'll be glad you did and you'll be a more rounded parent. :) You can parent your children (even those with RAD) knowing that we have a perfect example to follow. He doesn't let us by with being RAD. He still loves us though, even if we pee in a spiritual corner. :)
God has helped me to learn a lot of things through parenting. Frankly, I've learned more about my relationship with my Father since becoming a parent than I ever did before that point. I was a child and teen who really valued what the Bible had to say and what God had done for me, but there was no way to fully understand (as much as earthly possible anyway) the hugeness of it until I became a parent myself. Raising children with Reactive Attachment Disorder has really changed the way that I look at myself and God by leaps and bounds especially.
Let's think for a moment about the parallel between children with RAD/me as their parent versus me as God's child/God as the Parent. Children with RAD suffered in their early years and never learned to trust a "parent" figure, therefore they just can't wrap their minds around trusting me to fully take care of them. They grasp for control and make their situations worse because they just can't believe that I can totally handle it and them be ok.
Does that ring any bells for anyone besides me??? I mean, just think about it! As a child in this world, everyone fails you at some point. The world in general is looking out for them and them alone most of the time. People die. People fail us. Parents in the human world are NOT perfect. People make mistakes. Some people do it on purpose and others just because they are human. I have been known to say when faced with the human condition at its worse, "People just suck!".
Then we become a child of God! We know that we have a God who literally gave His Son in place of us. We know that we have a God who made the universe. We know that we have a God who already has all the answers to the problems we face today, tomorrow, and 20 years from now. We know we have a FATHER who has NEVER made a mistake. He is perfect beyond even our wildest imaginations, yet He chose to make, save, and love us.
YET, we just can't give up total control. I mean, surely I'm not the only one?? Do you do it too? I take stuff to the throne of my Father and lay it down at His feet. No need to worry any more! Then I just head right back over and pick up my worry and let it way me down more. I know He has a plan, so I just walk through life while following the path He has set for me by faith? Well not quite. Instead I often wonder if I'm sure I'm on the right path or if I can hear His voice clearly. He gave me children that He had planned for me, so I should be able to do what I know is right and just TRUST. Instead, I have to be careful not to wonder what others might think of the ways I have to deal with their issues. I know it is the right way, but I worry that others are judging me. I know I am leaving which children and how many up to God, but yet I feel offended when others say "Surely your done!". I know that I don't have to worry, fret, or wonder. I KNOW THAT! Yet I do those things.
See just as a child with RAD, those are things that come natural to me. My children with RAD have brains that just don't trust. They can overcome that, but they choose over and over to do what is easiest. Its easiest for them to depend on themselves. Its easiest to not trust and not risk being hurt or let down. I'm not perfect by any means. At some point I'm sure I've let them down, made the wrong choice, or even not believed them when they were being truthful because I can't tell the difference and lying is their norm.
My Father is perfect! (Not my earthly one by any means.) I have a Father who I can trust entirely. He will never make a mistake. He will never let me down. He always has the answer! He is completely and entirely Wonderful, Powerful, Loving, and In Control.
When I think of it from that angle, I sure do get a reality check. I expect my kids, who have been through more than any of us know, to trust me and give up their control. How much more should I give up mine to God, my Father?!! That includes my worry about how to fix my kids with RAD. lol Isn't that freeing and completely terrifying, yet wonderously great??!!
So if you are a RAD Christian like I am, then try some attachment therapy with your Heavenly Father today! You'll be glad you did and you'll be a more rounded parent. :) You can parent your children (even those with RAD) knowing that we have a perfect example to follow. He doesn't let us by with being RAD. He still loves us though, even if we pee in a spiritual corner. :)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
My Christmas Progress
Christmas is, as you can imagine, a very important time of year. It should be for everyone is my opinion, since it is JESUS's BIRTHDAY! I will be honest and say that I am just as bad as the kids about wanting to get started with Christmas. I love everything that Christmas is really about. I also love all the traditions and memories made with my crew here as well.
I've been accused of going over board with Christmas. I will admit that we go for it full force. Our Christmas decorations start going up on October 19th or within a few days of that. Dayton's birthday is October 18th, so we wait until after the festivities for his birthday are over. His birthday is the last one of the calendar year for our crew, so we head straight to celebrate Jesus's birthday and do it in style. It is also an encouragement to me that we do very little in thought of Halloween because of already heading to Christmas. I don't like Halloween at all. I let the kids get dressed up cute (nothing scary, slutty, or gross) and we go to my grandparents' house for treats that they get for them. I buy them plenty of candy and we come home to watch a Christmas movie!
I have already got a good start on Christmas shopping. I have good ideas as to what else I need to get and will finish most of the shopping in the next few weeks. I like to get all of the time consuming stuff out of the way early so that I can just enjoy the wonderfulness (is that a word) of Christmas with my kids. Christmas clothes are also ordered and all I'll have left is pants for the boys and a skirt for me in order to have it all 'wrapped' up. ;) I've also already bought some Christmas cards (because they were the first Christmas stuff out that I could buy and I have a lot of issues) and 7 more of the musical/dancing characters that make our house so festive.
I plan to make a heading on this blog just for Christmas things. We have a lot of fun traditions that I'd love to share with you. Anyone else who would love to add their Christmas traditions or ideas is very welcome to do so. We love to try new things here!
I've been accused of going over board with Christmas. I will admit that we go for it full force. Our Christmas decorations start going up on October 19th or within a few days of that. Dayton's birthday is October 18th, so we wait until after the festivities for his birthday are over. His birthday is the last one of the calendar year for our crew, so we head straight to celebrate Jesus's birthday and do it in style. It is also an encouragement to me that we do very little in thought of Halloween because of already heading to Christmas. I don't like Halloween at all. I let the kids get dressed up cute (nothing scary, slutty, or gross) and we go to my grandparents' house for treats that they get for them. I buy them plenty of candy and we come home to watch a Christmas movie!
I have already got a good start on Christmas shopping. I have good ideas as to what else I need to get and will finish most of the shopping in the next few weeks. I like to get all of the time consuming stuff out of the way early so that I can just enjoy the wonderfulness (is that a word) of Christmas with my kids. Christmas clothes are also ordered and all I'll have left is pants for the boys and a skirt for me in order to have it all 'wrapped' up. ;) I've also already bought some Christmas cards (because they were the first Christmas stuff out that I could buy and I have a lot of issues) and 7 more of the musical/dancing characters that make our house so festive.
I plan to make a heading on this blog just for Christmas things. We have a lot of fun traditions that I'd love to share with you. Anyone else who would love to add their Christmas traditions or ideas is very welcome to do so. We love to try new things here!
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