I've discussed this issue with friends before and I was reminded of it tonight while reading a blog that a fellow adoptive parent wrote. I thought I'd share my thoughts on this with whoever is reading. :)
God has helped me to learn a lot of things through parenting. Frankly, I've learned more about my relationship with my Father since becoming a parent than I ever did before that point. I was a child and teen who really valued what the Bible had to say and what God had done for me, but there was no way to fully understand (as much as earthly possible anyway) the hugeness of it until I became a parent myself. Raising children with Reactive Attachment Disorder has really changed the way that I look at myself and God by leaps and bounds especially.
Let's think for a moment about the parallel between children with RAD/me as their parent versus me as God's child/God as the Parent. Children with RAD suffered in their early years and never learned to trust a "parent" figure, therefore they just can't wrap their minds around trusting me to fully take care of them. They grasp for control and make their situations worse because they just can't believe that I can totally handle it and them be ok.
Does that ring any bells for anyone besides me??? I mean, just think about it! As a child in this world, everyone fails you at some point. The world in general is looking out for them and them alone most of the time. People die. People fail us. Parents in the human world are NOT perfect. People make mistakes. Some people do it on purpose and others just because they are human. I have been known to say when faced with the human condition at its worse, "People just suck!".
Then we become a child of God! We know that we have a God who literally gave His Son in place of us. We know that we have a God who made the universe. We know that we have a God who already has all the answers to the problems we face today, tomorrow, and 20 years from now. We know we have a FATHER who has NEVER made a mistake. He is perfect beyond even our wildest imaginations, yet He chose to make, save, and love us.
YET, we just can't give up total control. I mean, surely I'm not the only one?? Do you do it too? I take stuff to the throne of my Father and lay it down at His feet. No need to worry any more! Then I just head right back over and pick up my worry and let it way me down more. I know He has a plan, so I just walk through life while following the path He has set for me by faith? Well not quite. Instead I often wonder if I'm sure I'm on the right path or if I can hear His voice clearly. He gave me children that He had planned for me, so I should be able to do what I know is right and just TRUST. Instead, I have to be careful not to wonder what others might think of the ways I have to deal with their issues. I know it is the right way, but I worry that others are judging me. I know I am leaving which children and how many up to God, but yet I feel offended when others say "Surely your done!". I know that I don't have to worry, fret, or wonder. I KNOW THAT! Yet I do those things.
See just as a child with RAD, those are things that come natural to me. My children with RAD have brains that just don't trust. They can overcome that, but they choose over and over to do what is easiest. Its easiest for them to depend on themselves. Its easiest to not trust and not risk being hurt or let down. I'm not perfect by any means. At some point I'm sure I've let them down, made the wrong choice, or even not believed them when they were being truthful because I can't tell the difference and lying is their norm.
My Father is perfect! (Not my earthly one by any means.) I have a Father who I can trust entirely. He will never make a mistake. He will never let me down. He always has the answer! He is completely and entirely Wonderful, Powerful, Loving, and In Control.
When I think of it from that angle, I sure do get a reality check. I expect my kids, who have been through more than any of us know, to trust me and give up their control. How much more should I give up mine to God, my Father?!! That includes my worry about how to fix my kids with RAD. lol Isn't that freeing and completely terrifying, yet wonderously great??!!
So if you are a RAD Christian like I am, then try some attachment therapy with your Heavenly Father today! You'll be glad you did and you'll be a more rounded parent. :) You can parent your children (even those with RAD) knowing that we have a perfect example to follow. He doesn't let us by with being RAD. He still loves us though, even if we pee in a spiritual corner. :)