This has been one of my roughest days. I just needed to cry and even after I cried, I still needed to cry more. I kept thinking about Cody. I'm sure he went to preschool today. While he was there I am sure they discussed Mother's Day.
My baby boy, who I love so very much, has never had a "mother". He's been in foster care his whole life! Recently he was told that he has a "Mama" (that's what he calls me - isn't it cute?). Yet, he still goes through another Mother's Day without a mother. I mean, I am here and I love him. Its just that the hateful woman at ICPC will not let me bring him home. I love him more than words could possibly explain. Yet I sit here feeling as if I too have failed him. Why can't I get him home? I can't imagine his situation. I mean, what does he think??? I can imagine he wonders why everyone else has mothers to come pick them up and love them each day. I can imagine he wonders why his just speaks to him for a few minutes whenever his foster mother chooses to call and sends him a present once a week.
I can't stop the tears from flowing. I just can't stop weeping for what he must feel. I can't understand what more it will take to get him home. I know people that have gotten their children home from overseas much faster than this! I don't understand! Why won't they let me bring him home???????
Please don't get the wrong idea. I know how blessed I am! I am very blessed and I am so thankful to be a mother to my brood and my 5 who haven't arrived. I understand why my children from Eastern Europe aren't home yet. I long for them, but I undrerstand. Why can't I get Cody home from Texas? We are at the point of it being 11 months!
I beg of you to pray. Pray hard that I hold him soon. Pray hard that he comes into my arms and that he knows how much I love him. Pray hard that I can deal with these feelings of hate that come over me when I think of the woman and the system that have kept him from me so long. Pray that he is somehow made to understand in a way that only God can, that his "Mama" loves him so very much and wants to hold him so badly. Just . . . PRAY!