Rough Day

This has been one of my roughest days.  I just needed to cry and even after I cried, I still needed to cry more.  I kept thinking about Cody.  I'm sure he went to preschool today.  While he was there I am sure they discussed Mother's Day. 

My baby boy, who I love so very much, has never had a "mother".  He's been in foster care his whole life!  Recently he was told that he has a "Mama" (that's what he calls me - isn't it cute?).  Yet, he still goes through another Mother's Day without a mother.  I mean, I am here and I love him.  Its just that the hateful woman at ICPC will not let me bring him home.  I love him more than words could possibly explain.  Yet I sit here feeling as if I too have failed him.  Why can't I get him home?  I can't imagine his situation.  I mean, what does he think???  I can imagine he wonders why everyone else has mothers to come pick them up and love them each day.  I can imagine he wonders why his just speaks to him for a few minutes whenever his foster mother chooses to call and sends him a present once a week. 

I can't stop the tears from flowing.  I just can't stop weeping for what he must feel.  I can't understand what more it will take to get him home.  I know people that have gotten their children home from overseas much faster than this!  I don't understand!  Why won't they let me bring him home??????? 

Please don't get the wrong idea.  I know how blessed I am!  I am very blessed and I am so thankful to be a mother to my brood and my 5 who haven't arrived.  I understand why my children from Eastern Europe aren't home yet.  I long for them, but I undrerstand.  Why can't I get Cody home from Texas?  We are at the point of it being 11 months! 

I beg of you to pray.  Pray hard that I hold him soon.  Pray hard that he comes into my arms and that he knows how much I love him.  Pray hard that I can deal with these feelings of hate that come over me when I think of the woman and the system that have kept him from me so long.  Pray that he is somehow made to understand in a way that only God can, that his "Mama" loves him so very much and wants to hold him so badly.  Just . . . PRAY!