I was so worried when Julianne had her surgery a few weeks ago. I hated to have her taken from me for so many reasons. I worried that her heart problem would make something go wrong. I worried that she would feel like I was letting them hurt her and it would make the risk of attachment problems that comes with any child adopted older, become a reality. I also just couldn't bear them taking her from me after I had her with me what seemed way too short of a time.
At the same time, I knew she needed it done. I was thankful to find a doctor who was willing to do it. I was very thankful that they were running tests at the same time so that she wouldn't need put to sleep for the test later. I was so happy that she would not be leaking stomach juices and would not have to deal with so many issues as a result. I also KNEW that God loved her more than I do (though it is hard to imagine the love of God and how anyone could be loved any more than I love her ) and that He blessed me to be her mommy and would bring us through the whole thing.
I did not know the reality of how big the rewards of surgery would be. I had no idea how much better she would feel. I had no idea how much more active (she was already very active) she would be when she felt better. I had no idea that what happened tonight would result from it most definitely.
Tonight at church, she was sitting beside me and I was praising her for being so good. She was leaning on me and I was swaying her a little. I started to pet her face instictively (I've always done that with little ones), but remembered that she doesn't like that. Instead, she moved my hand back on her face when I stopped and wanted me to do it more. I was SO HAPPY that she wanted me to do that because I knew she was sleepy. She has never wanted bothered when she is sleepy. She wants to be left alone to go to sleep on her own every since I first met her.
So needless to say, I was very happy to continue to pet and love on her. She then got even sleepier and laid her head over on my hand. She put both my hands on her face and went to sleep on my lap. I COULD'T HELP BUT GET ALL TEARY EYED! I was able to pick her up and cuddle her for the rest of the service. I kept hoping the evangelist would go long and thankfully he did go quite a bit longer than is normal for our church. She started to startle and wake a few times, but was easily cuddled and with a whisper from me went back to sleep! On the way out of the church she was waking up. I said "Its ok baby girl mommy has you" and she said "My momma" and gave me a big hug.
Now to say that Julianne has me wrapped around her pinky and in a big pile of mush would be an understatement!
To think about it though is so cool. God actually used my being able to cuddle her and comfort her during that procedure to help her even more. She has always been "mommy's girl" and so affectionate, but she has went the last step and trusts me to hold her when she is going to sleep.
I am so blessed and my feet are barely touching the ground!