Funeral Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the graveside service for Brent's grandmother. She has had Parkinson's Disease that has made her life very difficult since before I met Brent. She then broke her neck as the result of a fall several months back. For her I honestly feel relieved. I imagine her new life in heaven. She is with her husband now! Most of all she is with Jesus and has no more pain or disability. I know that Brent feels very much the same because it just would feel selfish to even wish that she hadn't passed away with her earthly state taken into account against her present heavenly stae.

On the other side of the "funeral" emotions is the fact that we will have to go there. Brent's side of the family has been mostly nonexistence with us for over a year. Brent has seen them in relation to checking in on his grandmother after her fall or when his mother was in the hospital. The rest of us on the other hand have not seen them at all.

We are not taking the children with us, except for Julianne. Julianne had her gtube stoma repaired and can't have normal amounts of food or liquids for another 2 1/2 weeks. She will go with us so that we don't worry about something going wrong and us gone. The other children will be here at home with my mother. They will watch tv, play, and live in peace.

I will be by Brent's side. I mean, I want to do that. On the other hand, I have no clue what tomorrow may hold. I think that they very much HATE me. They didn't want us to adopt to begin with. They wanted me to have more "birth" children, besides Dayton. Then we seemed to be ok, until they wanted to buy for Dayton and even Julianne once, but not for the other children. We asked then that they just didn't buy for anyone at all. Somehow that was a horrible request and just us making "rules" for them. We said that all the children had to be treated the same. That was last July and it has been peaceful, but they have been absent.

Tomorrow we will be face to face. I plan to just take care of Julianne, honor his grandmother, and stand by Brent's side while he says his farewells to her frail body. If you read this then you should pray that will be the "all" of it. I don't want to have words spoken that are not "honoring" of why we are there. I just want to do it and get to safety.

While I am at it though, why the heck do people think that they should ever treat a child "different" because of the way that they joined our family? Why do people treat children in any way except for just "love"? Why does anyone think that they have a vote in how we build our family or how big we allow God to build it?

Ok, I am going to bed soon. I will just pray. Peaceful and Christ-like is my goal. I know I can depend on God to help me do that and I pray that others will allow Him to get them through that way as well.