Praying for a Miracle

We are matched with "C" from Julianne's old foster home. I am so excited, but it just feels like there is something more. I realized that "P" (a little girl) who we also met when we were there and was previously matched to an adoptive family, is now back on the photolisting. "P" and "C" have lived together for a very long time at this point. They have been together for more than 2 years. I let our worker know that I want to adopt "P" as well. So now comes the trying to figure out if that is even possible.

I sent in an online inquiry through the website yesterday and received a reply from the listing letting me know that the inquiry had been forwarded to her worker. I made sure to tell in the inquiry that we are matched with "C" and would love to adopt them both together. I held my breath all night long. Today I got an email from the adoption worker asking about how old our kids are and saying that "P"'s cardiologist had suggested a family with no more than 3 to 4 kids because of "P" having a less effective immune system. I emailed back and answered the question about how old our large crew are right now. The I imagined in my mind what 4,6,7,7,9,9,9,11,11,15,17, &18 look like to someone who doesn't know us. I made sure to add in the email that we homeschool all, but one and she will join us before long (Destiny is starting to ask, so it really may not be long at all. lol). I made sure to point out that we don't have a lot of contagious stuff that gets passed around here. I have been known to keep them all in and even miss church (which we all love and hate to miss) because things are going around badly. I even pointed out that we have hand sanitizer all over the house and use it regularly (it is true, but I can't believe I added that). I asked that they take into account that our household doesn't have the exposure to germs that kids going to daycare and school all the time have. I let them know that since beginning to homeschool, my bio child hasn't even needed breathing treatments for his asthma.

I got a response back. The worker said to have our worker send the homestudy and it would be considered. I immediately emailed back thanking the worker (who know thinks I'm a nut) and making sure to add in a little more about the bond that "C" and "P" have. I stated the truth in that my children are not biologically related to each other, but love is what builds families. I stated that "C" and "P" have been together a long time and love each other. I said that I knew that the rest of my children would love an opportunity to love "P" as well.

I then emailed my worker. I was praying that she was actually in the office with a fax machine. She was! She sent that homestudy straight to the worker!

Now I will hold my breath and beg God to let me have "P" as well. I can't imagine leaving that foster home the same way as I did last time. I left loving the one in my arms and begging God to ease the pain of "C" who I knew was going to grieve for Julianne. I knew that she needed to be in our family and that adoption was God's plan for her. I still couldn't help the tears coming on behalf of "C" who I knew needed a forever family as well. I knew that they weren't planning to begin looking for "C" a forever family for 4 more years at that point. I felt like my hands were so tied. God has done miracles and now "C" is coming home soon. He will be here with us and adored, as every child should be. At the same time, I can't bear to leave "P" behind and know she will grieve. I can't bear to wonder how long she will wait or if a forever family will ever be found for her.

So, if you read this, I am asking that you pray. Pray on behalf of "P" and "C". Pray that they can stay bonded and with each other. Pray on behalf of me. My heart hurts as I wait to hear the final verdict. I know that it is God's hands. I know His hands are the perfect ones for it to be in. I know I'm being a little "RAD like" in worrying when I know I should trust. I also know that time ticks for children every day and every day that they aren't with a forever family is a day that they are missing it and taking a chance on attachment issues. I know that God made me with this desire in my heart for His little ones. I pray that He shows me His plan for "P" and gives me peace. Please pray. God likes to hear from His children. He can do anything, but He says He likes us to ask Him. Ask God to give me "P". Ask God to bring "P" and "C" home to me very soon.

Thank you!

Before Last Thanksgiving

I wrote this journal on another site before Thanksgiving last year. I know this Thanksgiving will be very different in that I won't have all of my children home with me. Our little guy will still be in his foster home. I am also praying about another child. She is a little girl who is also in that same foster home and who we have also met. I started trying to get info on her today. I have no idea yet if it is something that God has in His plan for sure. I just know that she is waiting. I know that I have to try to bring her home when I bring him home. I have held her. I thought she was to be adopted by another family, but they backed out and she is now relisted on the photolisting. I am going to do all I can and leave all the rest to God, knowing that He is in complete control.

So this Thanksgiving, I will be thankful for the twelve children I have. I at the same time will ache for my little boy who I can't hold yet. I will ache for the little girl that I am asking God to give me also. I will also ache for all the waiting children, who have no family to pray for them and beg God to bring them home soon.

Last year's journal entry was so different, but even then I knew that I had others out there. Here is a link:

A Bathroom for a Bedroom

Andrew was doing so good. Then he decided to choose RAD as his best friend again. His attachments are enough "there" now that he can choose better. It is really just a matter of effort at this point. I mean, it is really a choice when you need to go pee whether to go to the bathroom or to make a hole in your wall and pee in it. I would think it would be an easy choice for most. For Andrew though, it is a toss up!

He had been doing to well. He couldn't stand it with all the fun he was having. How can anyone stand to have priveleges??? The audacity of FUN!

So making a hole in the walls and using it for a toilet he did!

I am not mad really at all. I had hoped he was past that point. I think he did it while we thought he was 'being good'. I think he gets joy from thinking that he snuck something and managed to get by with some plan.

I haven't said anything about it. I don't plan to say anything about it. Brent went in and got it clean. He then put a large piece of plywood over that area to stop it from recurring. I plan to have the rest of the walls covered in plywood as well. I will then paint the walls "pee yellow". I am going to draw "poopy characters" on the walls and give them eyes. I am going to have someone draw a toilet that says "don't forget to flush". I am going to draw circles in case he needs to practice his aim. I am not going to say anything.

If he really thinks that I care if he pees on his walls in his room, then he is wrong. I care that he is making those choices for himself. I need him to realize that I am not affected negatively. I want him to see that my world is still ok. I think I may get some brown playdough and make him some "poopy character" action figures. All the other kids get to have their rooms decorated in whatever they are interested in. We let them play with things that interest them. I will do the same for him.

If you think I am joking when he read this then please continue to think so. If you think I am serious, then you must be raising a child like this or have learned to understand RAD. I personally just know that he always goes back to the bodily functions. In his foster home years ago, he peed from the top bunk into Forrest's ear on the bottom bunk first thing in the morning. This child just won't lose the obsession with trying to affect others with his bodily functions. I am going to let him think that I've joined his obsession and see how fun it is then! hahaha I've had to parent other children before by making them think that I would join their behaviors or find them funny when they were trying to be a pain. This is a step further, but I will go there for him. I mean really "pictures of poop on the walls" or "real poop in the walls" - not a hard choice.

*A special thanks goes out to a great friend who is always there by phone in the "crappy" times, but who can think outside the box with me. LOVE YOU!*

My Christmas Tree is Up!

Yes, you did read that right. Those who know me at all know that I am a "Christmas Crazy". We always decorate as soon as we are done celebrating Dayton's birthday. We celebrated yesterday. The decorations came out of the attic last night.

Julianne giggled and cackled at the "singing and dancing characters", which are one of our favorites. Zeeky is completely freaked out today. If you remember my post about the "lion at the table" then you will remember that for some reason Zeeky is now terrified of the things that sing. He is fine if he pushes the button, but he doesn't want anyone else to push it. Imagine his surprise when he woke up to probably about 80 of those type of characters! I'm sure he will get over it soon. He loved them last year! Julianne has made all of us turn the characters on all day. She LOVES them!

The tree in the family room is up. I love to see the glow of the lights. I thought we had a dreaded "light problem", but there was just a plug in not connected. Tomorrow we will get more decorations in place and hopefully the other trees up (It is amazing how fast some of the kids get their school work done so that they can help!). Wednesday is AWANA so we won't get much done that day besides our regular homeschool work. Thursday we will make our "Thankful Chain" and put it on the tree. Friday we will decorate the tree with ornaments while we smell the cookies baking in the oven. We will then have cookies and cocoa at the table (which will hopefully have Christmas table cloths if I can find a couple old ones or find some place that has them out yet). We will then curl up to watch a Christmas movie!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!

* For anyone who makes fun of me (yes, Tracie you are included in this roflol), just remember that my mess of decorating will be long gone by the time the rest of the world is swallowed by their decoration mess. I will then be huddled up with my kiddos enjoying the Christmas season and my decorations! lol Sometimes CRAZY works!

From My 15 Year Old Son on Adoption

This post I'm going to share is an essay that my 15 year old son wrote. His was asked to write an essay on whatever he wanted for his online school. He chose adoption and this is what he wrote:

In my family adoption has been the most common way to build a family. My parents love adoption so much that they have adopted seven times, with a total of eleven kids being adopted. I was adopted at the age of eight, along with my sister, Unique. The joy that struck me when I was adopted was just amazing! From that day on, I knew that getting adopted was probably going to be one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me.

Experiencing a feeling like this is one of the many affects that a child could have if he or she knew that they have been adopted. Though this child wouldn't be the only one who experienced this feeling, the entire family would. Beacause they know that the child is happy that they have a home and a family that loves them. This is one reason why my parents adopt and to why they have adopted so many.

My house may seem like its a bit crazy because of the eleven kids and not to mention the one that's biological. Though really its not all that crazy, it's actually quite calm, even with eleven other kids running around. All it basically means is that they're getting along pretty well, which could be a shocker at times. That's one of the joys of adopting and having as many kids as my parents do.

This is why I think that everyone should adopt at least once, if not five to ten times like my parents. All you have to do is just give it one try and then if things don't work out the way you thought, at least you can say that you tried. Really, I think that once you've already experienced adoption you'll want to continue, just like my parents. Adoption can change everyone's life.

Now as you can imagine I am one very weepy and proud mom. Teenagers can be pretty cool. Denzell had some rough spells, but WOW I am so blessed to see what God has done with him. I know "adoption" is debated by many. I can proudly say that I believe adoption is a gift to a child who needs to know that they have a forever family to love them and the family who gets blessed with a child to have forever as well. I know that I am very blessed. I also know that as long as God keeps blessing - I will keep receiving with a very thankful heart.

Good Stuff on the RAD Front

Please don't tell them. It is a huge secret! lol Crystal and Andrew are doing REALLY WELL. They took advantage of the clemency and are doing great. Andrew was the 2nd one done with his school work today. He is ROUNDING, which he had previously declared he couldn't do. Crystal is the only one of the five 3rd-5th graders who hasn't memorized for first 20 presidents. She has memorized 10 though and is very close to getting all 20!

Andrew is doing the best right now. He has been here the longest of the 3 RADishes. He has been living with us full time for 4 years and 7 months. He was 5 years old when he moved in. I am seeing huge improvements with him. At this moment he is playing just like everyone else! He is being helpful. He is polite. He and Dayton are playing almost like they did when they were little and he wasn't with us full time yet. (See he didn't have RAD behaviors until he had been with us a little while full time and we had done respite for him for 18 months before he moved in full time. Back then they were best of friends. After he realized that he was here to stay, he went from a very active child, to a full blown RADish. He began the behaviors, like screaming incessantly and tearing things up, that his foster mother had to deal with during the time before that.) It is so good to see them reconnecting. It is so good to see him being the smart and sweet little boy that I've known was in there this whole time.

Crystal is doing good. She still has a "look" in her eye that I know means we've still got a ways to go. She suffered so many moves that I know it is harder for her to trust. I see her looking for a chance to "snag" a pair of underwear before I get them locked in the closet. I know that she is wanting to resort back to peeing on her underwear and hiding them. I am being very diligent. She wants to sneak and do it, but she isn't. Otherwise she is doing ok. She is back and forth between "chatter" and "silence" with me. She is playing well with the other kids. She isn't doing anything particularly bad. I will take that! She has only been here for almost 3 years. She was 8 when she came. We still have a while to go!

God is so good!

Update on Clemency

So far so good - I think. (Please no one walk up to them if you know us in "real life" and tell them they are doing good or they will resort to bodily functions!)

Andrew and Crystal are RADishes. I know what to expect from their "good times". It is going about the same way as I expect. (In case you are wondering raising my expectations will result in my looking off guard or feeling disappointment, not a change in behavior - so please don't tell me to expect better of them.) They are both trying every little chance to "get away" with something. It is their lives' desire to somehow feel like they are a step ahead of me. I have to be as overvigilant as they are. They try to go past their limitations in how far from supervision they can be. They try to get into the kitchen area without being noticed. They try to "borrow" things from the other children in hopes that the other kids might let their guard down and receive something broken back or not at all. They try to get more of the "family books" off of the shelf than they are allowed to have at once. They try to do ANYTHING that they aren't allowed to do. If I don't catch them on something then they will try to go a step farther. Their hope is to "gain control", "manipulate", or "deceive" most of the time.

That being said, they are doing well considering. Their attempts are quickly met with a quick reminder that I DO see them. I DO know where they are heading. I will not let them get by with it. After probably 100 attempts in the first 24 hours at getting by with something - ANYTHING, they have slowed down a lot. Andrew has been saying "I am sorry" when he loses a privelege or gets a verbal reprimand. He has complied with doing his "remedial math" that is necessary until he quits playing dumb on his normal math. This is good since I am making him write his numbers over and over, which he hates the redundancy of doing. He even admitted to playing dumb on his language assignment and apologized after correcting. Crystal is doing ok. She has a look on her face too much of the time that says she is not wanting to attach further. At other times she is more willing though and is giving some real hugs at bedtime (I think).

Forrest and Jose are very glad to have received clemency as well. They don't have full blown RAD. They have more what would be called "attachment issues" or I think it is more "foster care issues". They are the issues that every child who has come to me ( at least the ones over age 4 when they moved in full time and I don't know about some of the others yet) seem to possess. They tear up clothing, or have food issues, or lie alot, or try to get pity from others, or are set in mediocracy with feet dug in and refusal to try to succeed, or constantly trying to get something by in some set area, or testing to see if they are really loved, or push to see if you'll really "keep" them. Those are just behaviors that I expect. I know to expect them and I generally know how to modify them as well. It can be slow going. It is NOTHING compared with the RAD kids. RAD kids do all of those behaviors all at the same time and add in a lot of other components as well. They seem to appreciate that they didn't have to finish those reports that were piling up. They also seem to not want to go "back" to that hole that they were digging for themselves.

Clemency worked out very well. I don't recommend that you ever do it often. I don't want my kids to ever have hope that it might happen to get them out or they might not care to dig that hole. I do want them to know that I loved having a good weekend with them all. I loved seeing them all out of trouble at the same time. I loved movie time where everyone had priveleges. I loved seeing all the boys playing ball together without anyone sitting out. I loved seeing what it will be like when God brings them all through their rough spells. I remind myself that God is going to bring them all through. I praise Him for that.