My frustration level is running so high right now. I want to hold Cody and get closer to bringing my children from Eastern Europe home too. My international homestudy is having corrections made and so I still haven't been able to send it off to USCIS. That is driving me NUTS! Cody's adoption is being once again prolonged because ICPC in Ohio is making us have more background checks run on my two daughters that are legally adults, even though we had everything run that was required before now. I don't know when things are going to move. I am tired of pushing, but I have to push. I have to get them all home!
Some days it really does feel impossible and like it is too much. Some days I wonder if Cody will ever make it home. Some days I beg God to take the enemy out of the mix and let things run smoothyly (ok that one happens more than "some" days).
When the times come I have to remind myself of the cost of adoption. I don't mean the cost to me of these adoptions either. I mean the cost of my Father to adopt me!
See my Father loved me so much that He had His Only Son go to die for the sins I would do. He loved me enough to sacrafice His Son! All of that just so He could ADOPT me! I am not worthy at all. I hadn't even been born yet. I wasn't even suffering from my sins yet. He did all that for me, before I was ever born.
Wow, when you look at that "cost", then I really have no room to whine or gripe. I really can't even bring myself to stomp or pout! I have to just thank Him for loving me that much. If that is all He'd ever done for me then He would have gone to the extreme, yet He didn't stop there! He loves me each day. He loves me so much that He has allowed me to be blessed with 12 children here already and 5 more than are already in my heart and need to make it home. They were His from the beginning of time and yet He chose me to get to love them, fight for them, and learn true love from them. I know about His true love in a way that people who've never loved a child that they were yet to hold will never understand. I know that He loved me even when I was so far from Him. I know how He rejoiced at my "adoption" even though He already had so many others, but yet I was so special to Him.
I am going to go to bed very thankful tonight for all of that. I am going to once again beg my Father to move things along and slap the devil out of our business. I am going to pray that He helps my little ones know that they have a mommy who loves them. I am going to keep right on plowing along. I am going to do it with a heart of gratitude because He deserves it! I may not feel the peace of them all in my arms, but His peace can help me ride the waves until we get them into my arms.
Thank You God for adopting me and the sacrafice that it took. Thank You for making the price I pay to adopt my babies so much less.