Our church is celebrating 175 years this year and we had a 3 day celebration this week with services. It is always funny when people who don't know us first get a glimpse. We fill up 2 rows of pews. (We will soon take over a 3rd row, with 5 more kids to arrive soon!) We are just about every color of the beautiful rainbow of skin colors that God chose to make. People always look more than twice. I get that we aren't the "typical" family! I'm cool with that. "Normal" is just too boring in my book anyway. God didn't make His people to blend in and go unseen and unnoticed.
I do love the comments we get AFTER a service. I love the comments about "wow, they are so well behaved" or "I never heard a peep". That means that we are accomplishing our purpose. :) I want my kids to behave in public especially. We occassionally have moments, but it is VERY rare that I have to take a child out of a service. No one has to get up to go to the bathroom. None of the kids talk to each other in church. We take pride in them knowing that home is the place for that! I've never heard anything bad about our family from anyone who met us and then watched us in action (besides one relative who can't get her kids to behave and finds mine behaving to be threatening and wishes we wouldn't come).
There are still those who don't like big families though. I hear them through the internet, in circles of acquaintances, through other adoptive parents comments they receive, and in a myriad of other ways. There are the social workers who think that families are "too big". There are actually social workers who would rather children languish in orphanages or move foster home to foster home without hope, than place them in a big, loving, well functioning family!! Those people make me furious!!
There are some things about big families that aren't "just like everyone else". Let me tell you a few that I think people over look. My kids are good in public, because they've learned PATIENCE. When you are one of 13 kids, you learn to WAIT. Children in big families also learn to think of others. They love each other and they learn that their actions can help or hurt each other, as well as the mood of the whole family. They learn about relationships. They learn that they way they act determines how other people treat them and how many playmates they have. WOW THERE ARE A LOT OF ADULTS WHO'VE NEVER LEARNED THAT!!! My kids have learned how to deal with people who are different than them. They can deal with special needs in all aspects and treat people with respect. There's another big one that most people never seem to learn. My kids can just be honest about who they are. They can tell you "I have autism" or "Julianne has an extra chromosome" or "I have Reactive Attachment Disorder", because around here its OK TO BE WHO YOU ARE. They are going to be loved by the other 14 (soon to be 19) people in this house regardless of what anyone else thinks. Its nothing to be ashamed of and no need to hide it. We are transparent. We are who we are and I want my kids to know that it is ok to be different, but never an excuse for not doing their very best.
See, big families offer a kind of love, acceptance, and support that is hard to come by in the world. I also think its pretty ridiculous that anyone thinks it is better for a child to have NO FAMILY than a huge one full of love. I'll accept people telling me how many kids is "enough" or "too many", just as soon as their aren't any with no family at all! I'll quit adopting whenever God doesn't tell me that I have more kids out there that He has deemed are mine to love. I'll admit that we should quit, just as soon as someone can tell me that one of my kids would have been better off without being with us. I don't think that is going to happen any time soon though! I don't have one child in this home full of love that any of us would want to live without, even on their worst days!
So to all the "No Large Family" people, go fly a kite! This family has more love than someone with that mentality can even dream of!! No one has ever had too many people to love them and instead we've found that the more people and the more love - the happier the home!!
I totally agree with you!! If you're taking care of AND loving your children, whose business is it anyway? I've met many parents with only 2 kids, and the kids run the show...very sad. Keep up the great work, and the Lord will continue to bless you mightily! :)
ReplyDeleteAn honest question Amanda. How do you give each child exactly the amount of attention that they need? The reason I ask is because I have three here at home who have special needs and I'm run ragged a lot of the time! So yes, we are contemplating adopting a little girl as well(crazy I guess) but what would stop me would be that if I didn't think she would get 'her share' of mom and dad. Not the money issue or space but that it must BENEFIT her to be here. Sorry if this is too long. I was just wondering...
ReplyDeleteMelissa, my kids get more attention than most kids I know. They are with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We homeschool, so they are always with me. :) The time with them always works out. They play together so well that I can easily pull out a child or two for different things that they enjoy doing with me while everyone else is playing. Each child has a completely different personality and interests, so they are all completely individual. You also just become more "purposeful" in what you do with your kids when you hav this many. I don't spend any time telling them to stop fighting, because they can just go play with someone else. They all pitch in to get things done and there are enough of us that we can conquer anything quickly. :) I can promise that any child without a family would be blessed to have a family, especially one in which the mother is wanting to make sure there will be time for her. <3 I'm open to any questions, any time. :)
DeleteGreat post!! I am the mom of five and due with #6 in early September. We heard a lot of "really? another one?" from both family and acquaintances this time. Our children are far from perfect, but they are well-behaved and well-mannered. I agree with them learning patience and responsibility and how to care for and respect others. We love our big family! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you ,
ReplyDeleteI loved reading your story.. We have ten children and hear all the time .I really think you should be done. No when God tells us thats all then we will.
Can i re-post this to our blog...
We love big families !!!
~Jody~
Feel free to re-post. Maybe tell them to come check us out, learn about Reece's Rainbow, and they can have one too. lol
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