I was reading one of my favorite blogs to read tonight. She mentioned that she had been asked about using Respite care for her children with special needs. I've been asked that many times. It has been "suggested" that I should. It was suggested that I set respite up on a regular schedule when our first daughter moved in with us in 2001. I said "no" then and have continued to do so.
That is where the RANT comes in!
THESE ARE MY KIDS! It doesn't matter the route they came they are mine! Does the rest of the world send their kids to "respite"????? I surely hope not!
Most families (the nonadoptive or nonspecial needs families) get asked about "date nights" or how often they get a babysitter. No, not adoptive and special needs families, we get asked about RESPITE!
Here is how the dictionary (dictionary.reference.com) defines the word "respite":
1. a delay or cessation for a time, especially of anything distressing or trying; an interval of relief: to toil without respite.
2. temporary suspension of the execution of a person condemned to death; reprieve.
That really is telling of what people in the world feel about "special needs"! GRRRR!!!! It makes me mad every time I hear it. Just reading the word today made me furious!
I do not consider my special needs kids especially distressing or trying. Having them not with me isn't "relief", but is especially distressing and trying! I can't stand to be away from my kids. Do these people have any idea how hard I worked to get my children HOME!!??!! Why on earth would I want to send them away???? I think that many people actually consider it a death sentence and think we need reprive! (Any other special needs parents out there get that feeling?)
My kids have been moved and been without me. I would never do that to them. I would never make them feel that I needed them "gone"! I never would want them to believe for even a second that life without them is bearable - BECAUSE IT ISN'T! I would give anything to have my other five children HOME! You'd need a knife to pry my kids lose from my arms - the ones here or across the ocean!
If someone wants to be caring (instead of offensive), then they could say to a parent of special needs kids something like "You know your kids are so much fun and I bet you've not had a night away in years, so why don't you let me (or me and 5 others roflol) come and watch the kids for an evening and you all take a night to go to a movie or out to eat". See that is "caring". Now, that being said most of the time I wouldn't even want to leave my kids for an evening with people who really love and enjoy them. I would probabl much rather that someone just says "Hey, I would love to come over for an evening and spend time with you all", because frankly it isn't like we are going to many people's houses. lol Company here is good and the kids are in their environment. I have nothing to worry about and can just "hang out". You'd be surprised how quiet and calm it is. It is relaxed and fun. People who tried that might even realize that we don't need "respite".
Mentioning "respite" to me is offensive and on the wrong day could get you a tongue lashing that I just can't control, because I have paper pregnancy hormones and have been paper pregnant for long enough to give birth to an elephant!
To be safe, just don't ever try to do anything that takes a child away from me without testing my mood. Sometimes the wounds of how long it took to get them here, the raw ache of my arms to hold my five blessings not yet home, and the love for my kids makes it hard to even send my kids to Sunday School. I can't imagine how it must feel for a child who has been through so much more than I have to be sent away. Attachment issues would take a major hit too. Just realize that if I didn't want 18 kids, then I wouldn't be having 18 kids. I didn't "accidentally" adopt. roflol
- Redeeming Hidden Treasures
- I have adopted 4 children from a specific orphanage in Eastern Europe and I want to see more children redeemed from that orphanage and brought into families. I want to make sure that the children who are still left behind in that place are never forgotten.